Friday, April 5, 2013
Hard things of yesterday and the softness of flowers...
Yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days I've had in a very long time. I was having to work through and process something in regards to a personal relationship. I cried, I wrote a poem-ish piece with over one thousand words in it, I prayed, I took time to write in my journal, and I drank hot calming tea. It was a hard day.
That morning as I sat in the kitchen looking at my tulips I thought of something. When I first bought the tulips they were bending heavy with floral weariness since they needed to be cut, placed in a nice still location after so much moving about, and desperately in need of water. So I took the time to trim the stems, place them in the stillness of a vase upon a solid foundation of a table, and give them fresh water to drink. I left them upon the table and went off to bed after a time of writing late Tuesday night.
Yesterday morning I woke up and when I looked at the flowers as I took some medication I saw that they had stood up taller in the vase. They had been still and replenished by the fresh water, fresh cut stems, and the early morning sun shining down on them through the window. They were beautiful when I first brought them home and graceful even in their weary bending, but they were also beautiful in their tall standing and revitalized state. I realized that I want to be like that.
When life circumstances and hard times bend me low, make me feel weary, I want to bend gracefully in prayer. I want to be beautiful in my weariness. I want to be beautiful in the sense that others can still see my hope amidst the difficult. I also want to joyfully seek to be revitalized by Christ. I desire my reading of scripture to be like a fresh drink of water, the cutting out of unhealthy sin in my life to be like the trimming of the unhealthy parts of the stems, and for the times of stillness in prayer to be like the flowers sitting in the grace of the early morning sun.
So, yesterday I wore shades of pink to remind me of the lessons from the time of looking at the flowers. I wore a dress with little hearts on it and thought about how that day I was also in some ways wearing my heart on my sleeve. Clothes become worn and faded and are not what is most important in life, but they also can be used to tell a story or remind us of things when we wear them. I am thankful for the reminders that can be seemingly interwoven into my clothes.
I also give thanks for the time of reconnecting and working through difficult emotions in a relationship yesterday. When difficult times occur it takes time to reconnect, to heal, to move forward in a healthy way. It takes work, but it helps to sit, to look at the person, to hear their voice, to touch them and remember, to be close and honest. Trust is a delicate thing. Relationships are at times beautiful, at times immensely difficult, and yet they can still be such gifts of grace.