Monday, August 29, 2011

CFS/FM Diaries: Getting mad at me…


I thought that I would begin what I call CFS/FM Diaries. This blog isn’t all about my health and sometimes I think I’m a little reluctant to write about my health very much. So, I’ve decided to do the CFS/FM (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia) Diaries.
By creating this “category” to my writing I feel it will help readers better peruse my blog.
Sometimes people won’t always feel like reading about my journey with my health issues, at the same time others particularly want to read about my journey with CFS/FM. By creating this category I believe (and hope) that it will help readers have an even better blog experience.
And, the fact is I need to write about my health journey- the good and the bad.
So write I will.

Getting mad at me

Sometimes I get mad at my body. When you think about it that is a bit silly since my body is me.
But, my body doesn’t always seem to agree with me. My body works with the same brain with which I think yet sometimes it feels like it has a mind of its own.

This morning was one of those mad moments. I was mad at my body and mad at myself.
With the new school year starting back up a lot of old emotions have come back up. Before my health issues if there was something I wanted to do in school, a class I wanted to take, or a grade I wanted to make all that I had to do was work extra hard and focus. School doesn’t work that way anymore.

There are so many classes I want to take! I would love to be in the co-op Christmas play, take finance, New Testament Survey, and Literature with my friends while balancing my core classes at home. But, it doesn’t matter how much I want or would love to be able to do something there are limitations with my body. I’m still working hard, but I have to work hard carefully. If I don’t work carefully and end up over doing then I will become “crashed” and have to sleep for hours and hours only to wake up feeling as though I need to rest again. I'll have extra pain, sore throat, and the extra added symptoms from the "crash".

Sometimes I get mad at my body and then I get mad at me.
I cry, I hurt, I get upset with myself and these limitations.
But, then I pray and I take a few deep breaths and I move forward. I may have limitations, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. I may be disappointed, but that doesn’t mean I’m not determined. I may cry, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not strong.

Today I’ve been taking deep breaths as a try a new schedule for school.
So far 30 minutes of study followed by an hour of rest seems to be working. I’m determined, but I’m learning to be flexible.

I’ll let you know how the schedule continues to go.

Blessings,
Sarah

P.S. I recently found out that my vitamin D levels were way to low. I started a supplement to help bring the levels up. I’ve read that a lot of people with CFS have trouble with vitamin D levels being too low. We’ll see if the supplement brings the level back to where it needs to be.
I also finished a marathon of spitting last week. =) It was for an adrenal gland lab kit. I’m looking forward to getting the results from the doctor on that and the rest of my labs sometime this month.
The current doctor’s office I’m going to doesn’t treat CFS or FM specifically, but they do help work with hormone, adrenal, and thyroid issues. So, if I have any of those issues going on currently they will hopefully be able to help.

That’s the latest update on my health journey.    

3 comments:

  1. Praying for you! I hope the school year is wonderful and that you find a good balance that works with your health.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so very much, Kelly! =)
    Your comment and knowing that you are praying for me blessed me a lot.

    Blessings and hugs,
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sorry to learn that you are going through a lot, Sarah. And how CFS seems to hinder you from achieving your full potential. I still hope that you won't give up doing what you love to do. I just said a prayer for you. Keep the faith, Sarah. God is there. He won't leave you alone. :-)

    Irene

    ReplyDelete

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